i tried out the online dating thing in san francisco during the last month or two before leaving. i was maybe a mess of a human being during this time. one of the dates was with someone who had a boyfriend. it was interesting.
i jotted down some ideas but didn’t get to finishing this song until this past november. i guess it’s sort of about how 1) big surprise, i can be a real bonafide loner/homebody/shut-in and 2) how because of this i can also kind of be a tease/someone who plays hard to get–which is a topic i think i’ve covered before in a song or two.
i’ve been doing a good job not trying to be in love again this past year and getting my own internal headspace in a better place. i’m still real hard on myself for lots of reasons but that’s okay.
pros cons list (it’s getting late)
there are reasons you should break up with your boyfriend. maybe someday i will be the reason why. i think i am a decent boyfriend. i know i’m a happy drunk. i just keep moving places. leaving empty spaces. a cavalcade of hearts that i let close enough. is this the year i’ll see why i run endlessly? to a self-imposed and crippling solitude, selfish in its own way. what are the words you’ll say? when you learn that i’m not permanent, i’m just a blip. on your life’s radar screen, brushing up against your knee. and then i say i should probably get going. it’s getting late. it’s getting late.
there are ghosts that haunt the walls of your bedroom late at night. mice crawl through the floorboards when you turn on the lights. i’m just a mouse crawling through your floorboards. nothing to get upset over or do anything about. because you know i live here. but i’ll soon be leaving.
there are reasons you should break up with your boyfriend. but i won’t pretend right now i’m one of them. cause there is not enough wine here to make mistakes with you. i should get home anyway. i know where that is these days. don’t waste your love on me. cause i don’t want it and it’s getting late